He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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