I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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