Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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