I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
