Screwed.edu
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
