It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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