I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Randomize
