no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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