He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
