Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize