He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
