i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
