just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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