in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
