He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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