its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
