I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
