I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
