I wish I could punch you in the face.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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