if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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