If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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