Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
