youre lurking in front of me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
