The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize