So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize