i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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