Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize