You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
