I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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