you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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