Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
