I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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