sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
