shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
