just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
