You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
