I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
