I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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