It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
