you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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