dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
