What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I will pee on everything he values.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Randomize
