I hate all girls vehemently.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
