beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
