If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
