i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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