Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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