in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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