you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
