Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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