More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
