Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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