She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
