ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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