Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
