Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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