Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
