see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
