yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
