So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
