I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
