So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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