She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
this will be a night to untag.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize