im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
