he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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