I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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