so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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