Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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