whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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