You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
