how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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