so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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